Mail Go Round

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.   For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking.   How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”

So God agreed……

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.   For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years, that’s a pretty long time to perform.   How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

And God agreed…..

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years..  How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed again……

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life.  For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, “Only twenty years?  Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay”,  said God.   “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.  For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.  For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.  And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.   I’m doing it as a public service.

SOMETIMES KIDS ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO MAKE SENSE!!!

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens.”  “How did you know?” his mother asked.  “Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied.  “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”

Another three-year-old put his shoes on by himself.  His mother noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot.  She said, “Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet.”  He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, “Don’t kid me, Mom.  They’re the only feet I got!”

On the first day of school, about mid-morning, the kindergarten teacher said, “If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.” A little voice from the back of the room asked,  “How will that help?”

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries.  The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.  “What are you doing?” his mother asked.  “The box says not to eat them if the seal is broken”, the boy explained.  “I’m looking for the seal.”

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, five, and Ryan, three.  The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.  Their  mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.  “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, “Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.”  Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus.

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.  “Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked.  “He died and went to Heaven,” the dad replied.  The boy thought a moment and then said, “Did God throw him back down?”

After the church service a little boy told the pastor, “When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.”  “Well, thank you,” the pastor replied, “but why?”. “Because my daddy says you’re the poorest preacher we’ve ever had.”

A wife invited some people to dinner.  At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”.  “I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered.  The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son.  He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” His son asked, “What happened to the flea?”

An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then-four-year-old daughter.  On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.  Be still, my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!  Then the child spoke into the instrument:
“Welcome to McDonald’s.”
“May I take your order?”

First-year students at Texas A&M’s Vet school were receiving their first
anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a
white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, ‘In Veterinary
Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is
that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.’ For an example,
the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead
cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

‘Go ahead and do the same thing,’ he told his students. The students freaked
out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a
finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, ‘The second
most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on
my index finger.’ ‘Now learn to pay attention. Life’s tough, it’s even tougher
if you’re stupid.’